If you’re interested in polyamorous dating, or already in a polyamorous relationship, there are some ground rules to consider for making the relationship as happy as possible. We’ve listed them below!
Be Upfront About What You Want
If your partner wants to date another couple, but you want to have random hookups with people, there will be issues. Likewise, if you want children but only with your partner, while they are happy to have children with other people, there will be issues. You also have to work out if you’re OK dating each other’s partners, if you’re bi.
By explaining your desires upfront, you can both agree on what you’re OK with and what you aren’t.
Decide What You’re OK Sharing
Are you OK with your partner talking about other people they’re seeing? Or would you rather not hear about the details? Maybe you want to meet your partner’s other partners, maybe you don’t. You both have to agree what you are OK sharing and what you aren’t.
Set Time Aside for the Relationship
If you date other people, when do you do so? Will you both decide on a weekly basis when to see each other and others, or do you have some sort of schedule? Maybe the weekend is set aside for you guys alone, maybe you go on dates together, or maybe one day you see others, the other you’re together.
It’s up to you how much time you spend together and how much time you spend with others. Just be sure you’re both on the same page.
Decide On Safety
Are you fine with your partner sleeping with a lot of other people using a condom? Or should they also ensure the other person is tested for STDs before sleeping with them? If they are tested, is the condom still necessary? What are the rules regarding birth control?
As this affects both your safety, it’s essential you agree on it.
Decide What Kind of Relationship You’re After
Are you looking for a long term relationship that leads to marriage? Or do you want a long term relationship only? Or maybe you’re both just looking for something that lasts a year, or two?
Likewise, be sure to figure out if you’re looking for someone to share a home with (eventually), or not.
By ensuring you’re looking for the same thing, you can avoid heartbreak further down the line.
Figure Out How You Want to Work on the Relationship
Save from spending a set amount of time together each week, what’s important to you within the relationship?
Firstly, what makes you feel loved? (If in doubt, read Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages.)
Secondly, what are the things you enjoy sharing—meals, adventures, workshops, hikes, and so on. In other words—what do you enjoy doing together?
Thirdly, what are romantic gestures you enjoy?
Fourthly, what are sexual experiences you’d like to have?
Quit the Nagging
Whether you’re in a polyamorous relationship or a monogamous relationship on poly dating site, it’s important to quit the nagging. The best way to make someone do something is to encourage and reward them when they do it, not nag when they don’t do it.
Set your expectations. If your partner continuously fails to deliver on one of their responsibilities (such as doing the dishes, or taking out the rubbish—two classics), then sit them down and set a fair agreement. You cook. They do the dishes. The same day, not two days later. And when they do them, you thank them, hug them, kiss them…
The thing is, as soon as they see something makes you happy, they’re that much more prone to do it. If, on the other hand, you attack them with negativity, they will defend themselves. Come up with excuses. Get angry. Not want to please you.
Live Your Life
No matter who you date and what kind of relationship you have, be sure to remember to live your own life. Fill your diary with things that make you happy—that inspire you and fulfill you. Don’t count on your partner to turn your life into a fulfilling one. You have to work to ensure you lead a happy life.
Also, remember to look after yourself—your career, finances, mind, and body. Set time aside when you work on personal goals.
By leading a happy and fulfilled life, you’ll be incredibly attractive to your partner as well.
